a good response to the question “how old are you?” is something along the lines of “dunno i stopped counting after the first few centuries”
and it needs to be said seriously without smiling or humor or as casually as possible and followed by “so anyway” and a subject change as if it’s completely normal
"I stopped counting a few decades ago. no. what’s the one with the zeros? millennia that’s it. human time keeping is so confusing."
it probably seems like i cry over stupid shit but tbh i usually end up crying because i’ve stored up all of my upset feelings from multiple things rather than express them and then the littlest thing sets me off like spilling my drink may not be that big of a deal but when i’ve stored up that many negative emotions it feels like i busted a hole in the hoover dam
treat me like a college textbook. spend lots of money on me but never touch or look at me
no. treat me like your favorite book. keep me by your side, touch my every page, learn all my twists and turns, remember every word I say, even the ones that make you cry
*4-second-long fart noise*
This week on Tumblr:
It’s a metaphor. You’re a metaphor. I’m a metaphor. Your keybord is a metaphor. Everything is a metaphor. The universe is turning into one giant metaphor on a molecular scale. Run. It’s too late.
LIST OF REALLY SUPER CUTE THINGS: